Articulating the Inarticulable

Have YOU ever had that feeling?  Which one!?  THAT one.  The one that wants to express but doesn’t have the tools to do so.  Like meaning just beyond any defining word or sentence.  Furniture without the carpentry to make it?  Song without instrument?  Any tip-of-the-“tongue” skill?  Butterfingers with deeply continuous intention.

Like Vivaldi’s winter that can’t find release, as at :39-:40 seconds on this particular you tube video.

Sometimes all we can do is headbang!!  Move our hips, roll our neck, unfocus our eyes, and move.  But sometimes, that’s not enough.  In my case, I could start conducting an unseen orchestra vigorously and look something  like Nietzsche in “When Nietzsche Wept” conducting his own unseen orchestra.

Might that feeling not be ‘spirit itself’?  It feels like what I imagine people to be talking about when they refer to spirit.  Why do I word it like that?  Imagine the word: “spirit”.  Do you accept it?  What?  The word!?  Or the concept behind it?!  What the concept points to.  Well, you need me to define, what am I pointing to, precisely, that I ask if you ‘accept’ or ‘not’?!  What’s the word mean?  Everyone’s got a different conception.

I can’t define it!!!  But I want to!!!  That’s it, itself.  The desire to point is what I’m pointing at.  The previous sentence refers to the motivation that resulted in the sentence being written; yours, mine.  All these sentences are so.  To answer questions; yours, mine.

There it is.  The disparity.  The felt distinction.  Whew!  I point to the nourishment that all the forms around; yours, mine…

 

Mole 2 (part 1)

I used to use Moleskin Notebooks as wallets.  It was nice to always have paper around.  Eventually, I stopped using them because they’d always fall apart and then I took to preemptively taping them up but they’d just fall apart in other ways and it was a losing battle so I quit (luckily, these days, my inner dialog is a lot quieter, so I have less to write at odd times).  I ended up with 12 of them, over the course of 5 years or so, the last one petering away as lately as a few months ago.

Anyway, who cares about that (or any of this for that matter).  Basically, I’d write fragments or wholes in them (these notebooks are small, so a couple words typed out below were a few scribbled lines originally).  There is not always intended to be a link between the meanings between consecutive lines unless I group them together.  Just remember, if I was buying a burger at McDonald’s and I had a wise thought about the importance of a healthy diet, I’d write it in the Moleskin while an impatient cashier would sigh to the impatient customers wanting me to pay for my meal (just kidding, I’m not an ass).  Then I’d go home and read something and have a different thought and write it down.  The connection is me, that’s it.  If somethings in quotes but it is not attributed, that means I wrote it as a spoken statement either by me or a hypothetical character.  If I don’t know where the quote came from but it isn’t mine, I’ll indicate that.  I’m always careful about that sort of thing whenever I write down a quote from somewhere, so I don’t have to worry about who said it or where I got it from.

I’ll put my comments generated while transcribing the journal between these symbols [|…|] and I’ll break this post up into multiple since it is unreasonable to fit an entire notebook in a single blog post.  Here’s Mokeskin #2 (8/22/07-9/15/07) Part 1 (I guess about 15 parts equally sized to this blog post to hold this Moleskin):

                                        

A doubly metaphorical luggage cart. [|Please note that the word ‘metaphor’ in modern Greek means ‘luggage cart’|]

A silent dishwasher with a piercing gaze.

Ill prepared am I even for my preparation.

Reading Nietzsche I saw that God is dead.  God?  Who’s this character?  So I’ve picked up his book.

This story’s a sentence writ out in images.  The symbols burst from the stage onto the page, letters the needles of a one act tattoo.

Toss the Tarot as you chase your own tale.

In writing my book, wriggle free, tear off the blindfold, and kick down those [eight] swords.

“Your life energy pattern, your chi, is like a gluey film that my Tarot cards will never be rid of.”

____

“For Goodness’ sake, don’t shuffle his Tarot cards! You’ll reveal parts of your fortune that he may be able to interfere with.”

“But if a single shuffle is so powerful, then what is a day of conversation or a written letter?”

“Good.  Now you are beginning to understand the ways we shuffle people’s symbols,.  Every time we activate a symbol, we shuffle it around some–but real shuffling takes knowing the right symbols and the active ways to associate them, like a laboratory procedure, alchemical molecules boiling and reacting in the retort, establishing new equilibriums, generating precipitate.”

____

Surely there are forces at work into which insight would help.

For Tarot, it is like learning an equation.  This doesn’t mean you don’t have to understand the situation (problem) but it does serve as a reminder of what’s involved.  It also gives hints as to possible common structural relations.  [|I was toying with Tarot for a short time and trying to understand what the point was–in this case I was specifically talking about how you have to read the books that interpret the cards for you, so in the end, really, it was like blindly applying an equation to a problem, like some people do in physics class|]

Book idea: An alien race that watches over humans, and, just before we Nuke the planet, they destroy our nukes and enslave us for 10,000 years [|long enough to sink changes into our nature|]

Of what do you speak?  A cabal of Kabbalists?  An occult coup?

“Oh you Human Beings.  In the stone sleeps an image, the image of my images!  A shame it must sleep in the hardest, ugliest stone.”

-Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, pg 67 [|All Nietzsche quotes, from here forward, from Thus Spoke Zarathustra (TSZ) refer to the Adrian del Caro translation|]

“Now my hammer rages cruelly against its prison.  Shards shower from the stone: what do I care?”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 67

Fear is the ugly half of desire.

“Spirit is life that cuts into life; by its own agony it increases its own knowledge–did you know that?”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 80

A movie that shows a sequence of conversations that a man stands behind that change to include him while not actually acknowledging him.  This happens through statements/questions of multiple meaning and referent.  Iow, a guy at a party goes and moves among conversations, standing at the backs of the interlocutors, and influences them while not being known to them.  Have the reader/viewer have to figure/puzzle out the double meanings and multiple levels of the mover’s existence.  An unconscious meme, an archetype Being pulsing with organs of synchronicity.

“And only where there are graves are there resurrections.”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 88

A website that “portals” to a world wide web of another planet of humanlike aliens.  Has stances, news, articles, social websites, books, stories, characters, mysteries–a game of sorts–even chatrooms.

“The unwise, to be sure, the people–they are like a river on which a skiff floats; valuations are seated in the skiff, solemn and cloaked.”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 88

“And this secret life itself spoke to me: ‘Behold,’ it said, ‘I am that which must always overcome itself.'”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg 89

The youth are disempowered in this country.

The Green Lion roaring in a golden age.

God cannot contain evil–it is too much for Him.

____

“But, Boo Hoo!  It’s sooo difficult to quit smoking!”

“Difficult!  What!?  We’re fucking human beings not rats sticking our stubby snouts into blood red buttons to get our shock and our cookie!!”

____

A book of interconnected short stories, like a movie integrating vignettes of this notebook.  The last [|The boo hoo quote above|] is a T.V. commercial.  Melodramatic, but with underlying power.

“There are maybe 3 beings on this planet that know of this, and I am 2 of them–I am telling you.”

“He [|God|] was also unclear.  How he raged at us, this wrath snorter, because we understood him poorly!  But why did he not speak more purely?”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 211

“Some kind of god in you converted you to your godlessness.”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. ?

Do not forget to expand when you breathe in.

The first lessons with my pupil wld be in how to breathe–5 days would be on breath.  Thunder.  Only thunder in past hours as I wrote “breathe 5 days”.

As I thought this, lightning went, then as I wrote it, thunder: If I do yoga too well, as a conscious bellows, it cld become too powerful.  Too much current–be careful.

“Where is innocence?  Where there is a will to beget.  And whoever wants to create over and beyond himself, he has the purest will.”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 96

“Where is beauty?  Where I must will with my entire will; where I want to love and perish so that an image does not remain merely an image.”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 96

“And this I call perception: all that is deep shall rise–to my height!”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 97

“And who of us poets has not watered down his wine?  Many a poisonous hodgepodge took place in our cellars, much that is indescribable was enacted there.”

-Nietzsche, TSZ, pg. 100

“To those who’ve been watching this little drama unfold–I am here now.”

“Why have you abandoned me!  Was it for your pleasure or are you not w/out foes?”

“You poisoned me!”
“No, I let you poison yourself.  But whoever wld do that is already poisoned.  I didn’t cure you; I didn’t concoct the antidote.  I’m researching the recipe”

Crystalidea

“Probably mumbling to myself as I wind my spring.”

-Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood or Wind Up Bird Chronicle, pg. [|I reported it as NW, 187, but looking in Norwegian Wood, pg 187 I didn’t find the quote…|]

“Yeah, I know your type–you stir up conflict like its your electric soup.  You sprout hooks, barbs and careen through space, getting your nettles stuck all over.”

“I don’t have any way for you to get in.”

-Murakami, Norwegian Wood, pg. 278

“The infantile stupidity w/ which most human beings torture themselves in the beginning of the process [|individuation|] slowly fades away… once one has really discovered that there is no progress and no solution other than getting used to that very simple thing of again and again just looking in every situation at the subjective factor of all the disturbances and trying to integrate it on that level — then a lot of the outer difficulties and the nonsense w/ which one was tortured just fall away.”

 -Marie Von Franz, Alchemical Active Imagination (AAI), pg. 114

“In the beginning stages people can commit the most horrible sins of unconsciousness and stupidity w/out having to pay much for it.  Nature does not take revenge.  But when the work progresses over the years, even a slight deviation, a hint of the wrong word, or a fleeting wrong thought, can have the worst psychosomatic consequences.  It is as though it became ever more subtle, moving on the razor’s edge.”

-Von Franz, AAI, pg. 114

“The greater part of all magical activities is the repitition on a small scale of something that at the same time happens on the large, cosmic scale.”

-Von Franz, AAI, pg. 126

My soul moves with the women around me — hither and tither.  Like my eyes.

“Paracelsus did not think that astrological constellations directly affected the body, but believed that w/in man there is a kind of image of the firmament w/ its stars, and that the outer constellations of the firmament affect this inner firmament.”

-Von Franz, AAI, pg. 127

“Therefore, now be concerned only w/ virtue, which is truth itself, so that you become strong in battle like a lion and that you can overcome all powers of the world, and so that you do not fear even death or diabolical tyranny.”

-Von Franz, AAI, pg. 138

The question of how far you’ll go has a lot to do with how far you ranged before you slowed down to map more carefully where you’ve already been.  Range far in your preliminaries–then go back over where you came from–then work back to your borders.  Roman scholar.

Try to see how the multiplicity of individual events are movements brought about by more unified underlying pressures.  Like putting a steak through a meat grinder.  All that confusion stemming from an underlying order.  Which itself was a constellation of natural disorder, ad infinitum.

You could say this is because you have more terrain to compare you present position w/  as you learn more.  Broader context.  Greater tapestry.  Larger carpet.

“If man can transform things outside himself, then he can do that even better w/in his own microcosm, and he can recognize things even better w/in himself.  Therefore in man himself is the greatest treasure, and nothing is outside him.  Therefore one should start from w/in or from the medium which is outwardly and also inwardly visible, and one must recognize who and what one is w/in oneself and then one will, w/in the light of nature, recognize oneself via the outer.”

-Von Franz, AAI, pg. 141

fishing in the seas at the edges of awareness

I am no one to speak of the Tao.

I develop an odd variety of “skills”.  The situation can be described somewhat like this:

I value the feeling of discovering, elaborating and refining new distinctions concerning classes of experience.  Essentially, I value transforming concrete experiences into abstract descriptions that can be understood in terms of other abstractions and used to “place” other concrete experiences.  That’s very abstract (the process wasn’t born yesterday) so I’ll describe a particular example:

I was thinking about a snake.  I was thinking about snakes emerging into awareness.  They are camouflaged typically approaching from unlikely angles, and snakes have an atypical movement pattern.  Snakes tend to be observed long after they could have been observed.  I mean, specifically, light falling on the retina could be originating from the surface of a snake (snakeskin radiation) even while the conscious “I” is unaware of the snake.  Then it will slither or rattle or the shadows will shift in a shape revealing way, or just whatever, and suddenly “there’s a snake”-awareness arises.

It’s kind of like how I imagine it must have been for good Catholics prior to Pope Pius XII‘s official letting-off-the-hook of Darwinian evolution.  One day one’s local priest was vilifying evolution and the next the Pope let’s Darwin (figuratively) kiss his ring.  Imagine that emerging into Christendom Darwin underwent in the minds of the believers.

Is seen what wasn’t.

I was thinking about a snake one time when I realized I was looking at an emerging seedling from some topsoil in a plant on my desk.  The head of the tiny stalk looked and curled away from the stalk in just such a way that it appeared like a snake in movement.  I’d been thinking about a snake for a while before I noticed what was just a tiny weedling at the base of the larger plant which was actually “the plant on my desk”.  Just some sort of tiny clover.  For about fifteen minutes the seedling looked just like a green snake with a somewhat over sized head.  Then, as seedlings are wont to do, it grew out of the illusion from my perspective.  Some subtle shift happened and it had grown before my eyes unnoticed (!yet another illustration!).

Unconscious Consciousness

I am of the opinion that seeing the seedling (at some preconscious level) had been the fountainhead of the thoughts about snakes.  I can understand if someone would wish to argue that I had been thinking about snakes for some other reason and then, because I’d primed my brain just-so, identified a “snake-like form” in my visual field.  I get it, but I disagree.  That argument is just stepping back a step what unlikely source led to a thread of thoughts about snakes.  I don’t think about snakes often and (at this point) I don’t remember any particular stimuli that day that would have otherwise led me to (randomly) think about snakes.  I realized then, and believe now, that I was thinking about snakes because I unconsciously saw a “snake-like form” in the seedling.  Although it was below the threshold of reaching consciousness, some part of me had already parsed the visual field of that seedling into a form near-to a snake’s.

Slithering Awareness

I was interested in the fact that the mind is layered and there are not too many opportunities to really catch evidence of that layeredness (think of the glitchy deja-vu cat in the first Matrix) of the mind.  Or rather, they are really and truly all over the place and time, but really and truly, they are hard to notice.  They are always in one blind spot or another.  Iow, I appreciated the catch, fishing in the seas at the edges of awareness.

We can but glimpse the billowing trench coats of Nietzsche’s divine lizards skittering about the corners of our mind.  Any glimpse a godsend, some say, others warn us off.

They’re not so much skills as prototissue sensitive to particular caresses.

Should we worry over the snake in the grass?  What other seeds be planted in thy soil?  All the seeds of the world, good and bad.  So it is with each of us.  Which will find expression in our little valleys?

I like to encourage a vibrant diversity of counter balancing expression.

The Tao cannot be pointed .

Nietzscheme

…and the night looms light,

looming quilted sight

     tied dream-tight…

1.

It is Nietzsche who haunts my perspective.  His thousand words in seven plus or minus two.  His music of the mind.

2.

Once I knew a fool–he was always thus.

3.

Music and Meaning–Two of the most developed traits in the human animal, music and meaning (warfare being the third and defining trait), are really one.  Consider how people listen more to the tone and cadence of speech than to its specific content (except, of course, for scholars who are well off the mark besides).  In fact, we can know what a person means without even hearing him at all.  His body speaks his purpose.  Finally, music has as much in common with vibrations of air as the cat guts that make them.  Do you think the deaf ignorant of music?  Quelle horreur.

4.

Simple minded common sense–Man understands tracks of different shapes to belong to different kinds.  It is unlikely that statistical experience could have served us up any differently.  Of course, exceptions have always lurked along beside us, peering through the shadows of peripheral vision with predatory patience.  ‘Truth’, some have named it.  ‘Hell’, others.  Its relation to our soul’s comfort has remained constant.  We reason with ourselves–“I have not witnessed any crime.  There has been no trespass upon my person.”  Hypnotic eyes encourage us along these paths.

5.

Reign of Subjectivity–…somewhere along the way a trickle of it forms a tiny rivulet.  As it keeps running downward, into the pull, it and other rivulets can’t help but concentrate.  Carried along by its collective accumulation, it penetrates farther than it ever has before and, reaching the end of its momentum, it dissipates, while, …

6.

A Journey Across Mountaintops–The tongue is a sensitive, intelligent organ.  A thing that can pronounce cannot readily be pronounced.  If we could refine and make as subtle our whole awareness as are our vocal organs…  only exigency comes up with a face pointing one way

7.

To Get to the Point–It is easy to let oneself get carried away saying nothing encovering everything.  At long last, let there be an anchor!  Of course it’ll be arbitrary, we all know that.  We already know how very deep is the well of the past.  When our anchor catches, it’s against the walls of the well; a wall fashioned millenia ago by hands plumbing these same depths, smoothed and fractured again millennia thereupon by anchors just such as ours.  We have strayed again.  Damn generality for its lubricating influence on specificity.

To Get to the Point, again–getting to the point is the result of keeping trained upon the point by valuing it.  Value is the relief of thrusting yourself headlong into something and landing on your feat.  Gymnastics of will.  Patent this spearhead of thought.

Evolved in response to: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/weekly-writing-challenge-stylish-imitation/